久久脚踏车

我老家有辆陈旧的脚踏车，从前就陪伴我到中学上课。颜色有点暗淡，轮子也扁了，但还是有种很炫的感觉。

脚踏车似乎是每个小孩的梦想。

以前表弟阿毅家就有一辆所谓上菜市买菜用的脚踏车。不是开玩笑的，那就是当年最流行的款式之一。每每傍晚阿毅就骑着脚踏车带我到处兜兜。他在前面踩，我在后坐待，迎面而来的微风轻拂着脸蛋，就是如此的舒服。小时候就爱模仿电视上的动作，阿毅把脚车骑着骑着，喊道：“跳上来！！” 还在路上的我拔腿赶上，一跳！扑了个空，坐在马路上。巴生百家利就是那么一个简单的小镇，充满着我童年最灿烂的一刻。

姐姐和我一直想要有属于自己的脚踏车，苦苦哀求了妈妈，终于等到了最期待的那一刻。妈从舅舅家搬来了一个和阿毅一模一样的菜市脚踏车，少了一个菜篮，看起来仿佛年轻多了。

“阿毅，我有脚踏车了！”

“是吗？来，我们来比赛。“

小时候就是血气方刚，有得玩就是最好。

阿毅对我姐，我对表姐，比赛就这样开始。

论到体力，没得比，阿毅轻轻松松就拔下头筹。我当然也很强，远远超越表姐，就在最后的冲刺，身后传来巨响，表姐翻车了。伤势很严重。三人极力把表姐救起，送到医院。阿毅进入家门前，回头对我说：”我姐有事，我绝不原谅你。“ 这句狠话，就永远的烙印在我脑海里。

连一天都没到，脚踏车隔天就被舅舅载回去了。

那个晚上，临睡前，爸爸严肃的问了我一句话。

”你推表姐吗？“

”没有。“，回答得有点害怕。

当时的我是多么的无辜。比赛时，离表姐的距离至少有20米，根本就不可能碰到。小小年纪我就感受到，不被信认是多么的可怕。表姐手术完康复后，就没有人再提到这件事。那我呢？我被原谅了吗？罪名就永远的套在我身上了？爸爸还有怀疑我吗？还是我被错怪了？

想想都超过十年了，还有多少人记得这件事？ 我没怪谁啦，毕竟那是很小时候的事。

每当经过老家那后巷，就会不停的挑起各样的回忆。跳号码，水沟旁玩玻璃弹珠，用黑炭在邻居家墙壁上涂鸦，跟隔壁siwan姐姐玩老师老师，自制发射塑胶圈的木枪来射流浪狗，还有很多很多。。。这是我一辈子都忘不了的人，这是我一辈子都忘不了的地方。

骑着脚踏车，四处荡漾，微风安抚的画面，已经成了过去美丽的时光。

小时候就要赶快长大，现在长大了又想回到从前。

人呀，就是不知足。

五年了

已经几年没碰hotmail了，碰巧用它注册了论坛，激活的时候，看见那个曾经很熟系的address。

愣。

我把音乐关了，要专心的看，细心的读。

不开心？说真的，不会。

高兴吗？也没有。

读完后，心情有些怪，难以形容。我站起来，原地徘徊了两回，还是有种说不过去的心情。

愣。

我能气多久？

早在五年前都没气了。

都不知道要为了什么而生气。

我相信大家都长大了，在意不了那么多。你可以为过去的灿烂抹黑，我也可以为黑暗的过去点缀。

恨，现在，一点都没有。

你把当年的气话，看重了。

* * * * * * * * * *

我过的很忙碌，都没多余的时间想其他的。

谢谢你的祝福。

依然是朋友。

神也是我，鬼也是我

Okay, to fulfill jl's plea, I am going to write an entry in this lethargic condition.

My current situation is like I am falling off from the cliff but I keep a firm grasp on the edge. Tonnes of vexatious stuffs to be done. I think I will go berserk anytime.

I am so tired.

Nah, just kidding.

But tired is true.

The day futsal with friends and 'mamak' with cw getting lesser and lesser. Everyone seems really busy, only Boon told me that he is free because his "GF" becomes other people GF so he doesn't need to wait for SMS anymore. That saves a lot of time.

What makes me so busy?

1. ABU Robocon (My great leader quited due to stress, so he has passed the stress to me now <until 22 June 2010>)
2. Society (I'm President now. When was the last time when I was a President? <until June 2011>)
3. Research Program (This thing is really boring but the good thing is I am going 2 countries to conduct the research <until May 2011>)
4. Studies (Due to too many things as above mentioned, my attendance merely achieving 60% for the whole semester)
5. Job (I am still a tutor, this is my primary source of income to cover my living expenses <every weekend>)
6. Stock Market (I am an investor as well, this is my secondary source of income for saving purpose <every weekday>)
7. Student Exchange (Dilemma. If exchange, result might aggravate. If don't exchange, will regret forever <April to June 2011>)

See, how tired.

So as a friend, please undress de-stress me. Come back play paintball with me.

Find me a girlfriend as well, but 取次花丛懒回顾，半缘修道半缘君。


Of course 什么都是我讲啦！神也是我，鬼也是我。

Merry Xmas

What a peaceful Christmas Eve. An auspicious night that makes me feel so pleasant. Deep in my heart.

I have relinquished the conventional way (countdown) to celebrate Christmas this year because my last phone was lost in a crowded place. I hate these places.

I am having holiday! Yes, it's holiday but pretty short.

I reached home about 2am yesterday night. I was in lethargic mode because only slept 2 hours the day before. I saw a car. Huh? *wipe my eye* I really saw a car! I got new car in my house. LOL! Yes! Now I can flirt with a car, and I can fetch girl into a horrendous jungle in the middle of the night and see jumbo elephants and crouching tigers. Happy #1.

Got a new jeans! My sister chosen and reserved a jeans for me before she left to Singapore. I just picked up from the shop. I really have no idea how to choose a suitable apparel. Fortunately I have this "fashion consultant". Thank you so much! Happy #2.

I have 3 younger foster sisters, 1 elder foster sister and 1 foster brother. Normally people will criticize about this. Mainly due to jealousy. The eldest foster sister got married last few months. So happy finally she has someone with her (no need kacau me anymore). And I just celebrated one of my closest younger sister birthday today. The same day as Christmas. Nice, because I can celebrate both together. haha. I will travel to Bangi New Village to visit another younger sister and brother during CNY. Suddenly so miss them. Going to give them a big surprise! ^^ Happy #3.

Went to the obscure I-City to have a look at the dainty Xmas's decoration. Wow, a lot of LEDs' trees and a lot of LEDs on the trees. That's a difference on the statement, it's not a typo. Very simple decoration but somehow quite beautiful. Light Emitted Diode (LED) is one of the most power-efficient electronic devices. I predict that fluorescence light will be replaced by LED in the near future. Television and computer's LCD screen will also be replaced by Organic LED (OLED). Please believe me because I am the inventor. Happy #4.

Penilaian Menengah Rendah (PMR) has released the result yesterday. My brother got 7A's. Well, quite surprising result because DotA was his books for the pass few years. I think my mum feel really happy because she got another "useful" kid beside me. haha! I think jy feel happy too if he know this. So, I rewarded him some cash for making my mum and jy happy. Happy #5.

I need to get back to university in advance because I have two ongoing competitions which is Robotic and Infineon. I have no confident at all for both competitions because I am a fresh meat which Pudge likes the most. I only have a small wish. I wish I could make it into National Team for robotic and get first place for Infineon. LOL! I just want the money!!!! If this would happen then it would be Happy #6.

Wow, didn't realize this entry is so long.

And I thought of you too Ms Ruth! I would like to convey my heartiest greeting to you and your husband if you were reading this! Merry Christmas! Hope your research goes well!

Merry Christmas to all the readers! I know you love me. ^^

P/s : Please text me your number if you haven't do it because I lost my phone and all the contacts. It's so hard to recover back all the contacts. T_T

Time to Get Married

10 years ago, I was asked by my grandma, when will I get married. I was little. "Mm Zai (I don't know in teochew)", I answered. She said, I should get married at 30. "Tai Lao Liao La (that's too old in teochew)", I shouted. She was amused and dispersed around to the neighbors.

Back in few years ago, I was perplexed that when should I get married. After considered really carefully, I have decided to get married in between 32 to 34. Yes, I fixed the plan and make it as a target to boost my financial stability before I get married.

Weeks ago, my uncle asked me when do I wanted to get married (due to relatives all getting married). I answered firmly, 32! You crazy, he shouted. Your son going to called you "ah gong(grandpa)".

Few days ago, one of my friend asked me, when will I get married. Again, I answered, 34! "chi sin ar you (are you crazy?), when you are 50 years old your son merely 16", my friend said.

Now I'm puzzled by this question again. However, I hope I could stick with my plan.

Since everyone is concerning the age gap between my children and I, then I have to think a way to reduce the gap and in the same time get married on my targeted age.

Haha!

Why

Why? Why are you so greedy? Why are you so greedy!? WHY ARE YOU SO GREEDY!!!!!!!

Return my phone!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Pathetic

昨天聊到你们作出国最后的准备，想必你们都很期待。

你说得对，你们离开后，我这里真的没有朋友了。

笑我吧！

此情可待成追忆，只是当时已惘然

数几年，你用心的奉劝我准时吃饭，你说不定时吃饭会胃痛。

“胃痛很痛吗？”。
“很痛！”。
“你怎么知道？”
“我姐也胃痛啊。”

昨天，又胃痛了。频频发生。

真的很痛。不过，至少每次胃痛，都会想起你的劝告，然后，嘴角露出浅浅的微笑。：）

Valentine's

The song you gave reminds me of you.
I just couldn't let go,



Happy Valentine's Day

Sigh

期待已变成了无望的等待。

第1273天

大家都笑我了。

我寄的，你收到吗？

121108

“一直很喜欢缘这个字，它让世间所有的事物，冥冥中有了安排，从擦肩而过的陌生人，变成今天相识的你我，让我们无时无刻都散发出一份缘。”

伫倚灯火阑珊，眺望千里佳人，挥袖而离别。
懊恼。
问君能有几多愁，恰似一江春水向东流。
春之觉晓，夏日绽放，秋为凋零，冬季寒嘘。
渡年如日，待之。

祷告，前缘续之，更为惜之。

此，尔不闻亦不阅也。

天歇星斗繁天闪烁，愿，幸福。
祝汝 生日快乐

I'm half happy?

I am half happy, I am half sad. This is what we called mixed feeling that killing people.

I am happy. I have finally became an official HSBC scholarship holder. This is the first time I successfully secured an essay-based scholarship. I have done my homework prudently and taken everything into account before the interview. I have consulted Shi Yah and Chee Wei about their experiences and I have tried my very best to impress the interviewers. I made it!

I am sad. I still have to stay in this tedious school. Which I ultimately hate it. Consequently, I shunned every topics that regarding my school because I don't like to talk about it.

Most of the companies turn me down. I reckon I will not have the chance to leave this place. Sigh. I have received offer, I have accepted the offer, I can't go. I envy, I envy, I envy!!!

080808

Today is a MUST blog day because today only appear once in 1 thousand years.
Today would be in Chinese. =〉

唉，累。

送她回宿舍后，这星期的行程也告一段落。好累得一周，好充实。

十时正，梳邦还真是个不夜城，车子来来往往的，好不热闹。又是一个人开车的时候了。刚刚下过一场大雨，夜，犹如冬季般好冰凉。

思维在脑中盘旋，想着想着，竟忘了自己手上还抓着方向盘，不行不行，开车得专心。可是不知不觉，脑筋依然左穿右叉，回到刚才思考的问题。

她，现在应该过得很好吧？应该吧，我心想。朋友说，我重色轻友，爱花钱在女人身上。掌控着一路平坦的车子，我心想，我的确花了好多，甚至多于花在自己身上的。我从不去想换来的是什么，也不要求什么，不花都花了，难道要去讨回吗？就像当天在电脑展急着下订单，谁知后边还有更实惠的价值，难道要退货吗？

我没有很帅，也不会丑爆。算是ok look吧？最近我发现，原来很帅和不帅只有一个分别。就是帅哥会有无数的仰慕者，还是粉丝之类的，不帅哥没有粉丝，不过，都会有女友。这发现好像没什么了不起? 但我发现，男生的体重，绝对是交女友的关键！有人说，瘦的男生应该没什么安全感吧。这可不是哈啦的。

专心开车......

唉，想想，活了二十年，自己到底有了多少值得骄傲的成就，提起拳头，一？一？连一个都没有。林梧桐十九岁已远赴南洋，为开辟梦想而奋斗。我，活了二十年，梦，依旧是梦。不比不比，年代时差，远得很，没得比。还不错，逃避乃是孙子三十六计之一。

凯伟说，“成功的人是想办法；失败的人是找借口”，他小我两岁，这是他说的。

二十年，我最庆幸的，莫不过于拥有一班知己。我自小重情重义，可能香港古惑仔看太多，受影响了。能同生共死的朋友，别人只有一个，我有很多个。而且默契十足，心灵相通。天塌下，大家一起撑；我挨打，朋友为我还手。

我比较封闭。朋友说，我有好多秘密，从来不和大家分享。有时候，有些事很简单，开口却很困难。我想开心的生活，像不丹王国的民族，笑靥不离脸庞。以前我曾对一个小女孩说，小孩比较自在，没有烦恼，没有压力，她回我，不！他要快高长大，不想当大人的玩偶。我想，她如果记得我说的话，应该，后悔了吧？

快到家了，没有意外，我开很慢啊......

在平均七十公里的时速，我又想起婆婆了。婆婆在我心目中永远是第一名，她最疼我。婆婆不在了，好想她。眼眶泛泪，没关系，我还有妈。如果当年妈把我丢进孤儿院，可能她会过得比较没那么辛苦。我是天杀孤星？我从不羡慕有钱人家，但，我最羡慕别人家吃晚饭时，都围在一起，共伦天乐。这八年来，我都没有这种自家晚饭。都习惯自己独自吃饭了，没什么大不了。

再个弯就到家了......

今晚要上帖吗？用华文吧，最爱用华文了。身为炎黄子孙，本来就该把根扎好。我是华人，我懂华语是天经地义。祖自中国，当然中国文学也该略懂一二。希望ABC会归自己的本，虽然学华文不是一朝一夕的事，但至少也要会写自己的名字。

到家了，上帖吧......

打好了，累啊。不过还想对静雯说生日快乐，对贻銘说一路顺风，对淑缘说加油努力，对仁良说另结新欢，对凯伟说别再想了，对家毅说快点回来，对joey说期待你的欢送会。

对自己说，天将降大任于斯人，必先苦其心志，劳其筋骨，饿其体肤，空乏其身。:)

Fate?

Well, I think you're right.

Chee Wei and Kee Nam are the best examples.
Choosing INTI wasn't a mistake however the way lived in it encountered some problem.

Thanks man. You always provide me the best motivation.

* * * * *

Apparently I've messed up myself.

Suddenly thought of one of my Indian colleague name Dinakaran told me "Never blame in Fate, but be Faith to decide your own Fate"

Fate

So weird.

Just now jiayi's mum called me, asked how's my university application. I told her, not yet receive any reply. She keep asking how? What is your other plans? Got backup? A lot a lot. Then she told me, my cousin just got JPA scholarship to US.

Night time my uncle came to my room, asked how's my studies. I told him, not yet receive any reply. He keep asking the fees how much? Where to get the amount of money? Saving enough? A lot a lot.

I complaint to him. I asked, why as parent you all never think of your children future education? Why don't even save 1 cent for my studies? Do you guys expect all of your children to be that smart to get a scholarship every time? I hate.

Ended up I get scolded. He said I cannot blame my mum.

* * * * * *

That day, I remember we were chatting in the office about a student everyday drive luxurious car to college. Then kar jun said these in Cantonese sadly, with a little bit of tears when he finished it.

为什么有些人天生富贵，上学都开BMW; 我们却在公司死命打拼，为了那区区的千多块，供车吃饭。

I mused. Me too, I feel the God so unfair. Why people can have dinner happily with all of the family members while I have dinner alone? Why people can have 3 meals per day with different hot dishes while I have maybe 1 or 2 or 3 meals per day with the same cold dishes from the morning until the night? Don't know why.

This is Fate.

Concern

Hereby, I wish to inform every single of you that I am fine after this freaking pathetic 30 hours.

Never expected most of you reacted in such way and thank you for the warm concern.

Thanks for being around throughout the upset moment, thanks for consoling via sms, mail, phone call, instant messaging, face-to-face.

Never forget the jokes, though I not really laugh.

At least I smile deep in my heart, because you have me in you.

I'll move on.

Blank

Tonight, moody.

Feel like crying, I hold my tears, but, it dropped.

My mind, blank.

Heart-pain.

I hate myself for being a useless son, boy, cousin, and friend.

Sorry mum, sorry aunt, sorry jy, sorry everyone. Sorry~

I apologise for the disappointment.

Nothing left. Nothing.